It’s fall, which means it’s time for some delicious, hearty squash recipes! Of course, you won’t actually cook these since you’re definitely not going to make a whole fucking squash after work. Here are four delicious fall recipes to print out, stick to your fridge, then immediately shred because surely, you shall never, ever make squash.
Acorn Squash With Ricotta and Sage
This delicious dish will get you revved up for fall comfort food! After cutting a squash in half, bake each side for about 50 minutes. Add sage and butter before dolloping a hefty scoop of ricotta cheese into each half. Ha! Yeah right. Of course you’ll never do this. Even though you printed out this recipe hoping you would find some motivation to turn on the oven, you surely will not follow through with this, so stick this baby in your shredder and go order some ramen. Yay, fall!
Parmesan Roasted Winter Squash
Searching for a cheesy squash recipe? Look no further than this crispy meal. Drizzle oil over cut up pieces of squash, and roast them at 425 degrees for 15 minutes. Add any seasonings you like and a healthy dose of shredded cheese. Then again, you might as well just destroy this recipe and put it in recycling, because surely there is no world in which you follow through with making this one. Order a pizza and call it a fucking day.
Butternut-Cauliflower Coconut Curry
If you’re craving a rich and spicy dish, combine oil, flour and curry powder in a pan until it simmers. Add butternut squash, cauliflower and potatoes, then pour some vegetable stock – wait, actually, who cares?? Save yourself the energy of having to pretend you’re going to cook this by placing your shredder right underneath your printer. Destroy the recipe, swear off squash forever and pick up a burger on your way home. Fuck you, stove!
Brown Sugar Baked Acorn Squash (Haha JK It’s Just A Delivery Burrito)
If you’re looking to satisfy your sweet tooth, halve a squash, scoop out the seeds and bake them until the burrito you ordered gets to your house. Promptly abandon the squash and shred all evidence this recipe was in your life. Why did you think squash was something you’d ever make? It’s surely not, ya dummy! Squash sucks, dude!
Here are four recipes perfect for the fall that you will surely never make, because squash is stupid. If people throw shade at you for shredding these recipes, throw a squash at their face! You don’t need that squash!