Having sex is so fun, except for when the guy you’re doing it with shares his penis insecurities with you. You can work with a disproportionate penis. That’s not a problem. But asking about the proportions of their penis will make you feel so uncomfortable you will have no choice but to dance out of the room. Why must he put that on you?! Here are four dance moves to get you away from that man and his worried dick.
The Charleston
This dance was made popular in the 1920s by flappers, who spent lots of their time dancing out of rooms to avoid sad men with sad penises. The great thing about this dance is you can smile huge the whole time!! He won’t get what’s going on and will probably wonder why you danced out of the room when you were just about to touch his penis. But you’ll know, and you’ll be happy to shut the door behind you, leaving that depressed penis for good.
The Dab
This is one we all know and have come to love because it’s simple to execute and very cool to watch. Use the dab when the dude you’re banging sighs, then whispers, “Is my penis small compared to my huge frame?” All you have to do is confidently stand up, dab really hard, then walk out of the room. Thank you, Skippa Da Flippa, for giving us the perfect comeback to the dumbest question we’ve ever been asked.
Voguing
Listen to Madonna, and “let your body move to the music”—but actually, to the door! When the guy you were about to fuck bring up his dick, just sensually rise and begin voguing. He might get so distracted he’ll stop thinking about how much he hates himself and his penis and his life.
Chassé
This is an incredibly simple ballet move where you basically glide, in this case, out of a room and a horrible conversation. If you want to make a dramatic exit, five chassés and a leap will get you out of the room and 34 chassés will get you down the block, where you’re a safe distance from the man and his suicidal dick.
You may think the Moonwalk would be perfect for this kind of quick escape, however we’re here to tell you IT DOES NOT WORK. He will join in. So try these dance moves to shimmy out of yet another awkward situation where you’re expected to make him feel better about his peen.
