If you’re lucky, college can be a formative time during which you make lifelong friends, expand your worldview and create memories you’ll cling to years later rather than acknowledging you’re now a succulent owner. After all, there’s nothing better for soothing the pain of change than forced nostalgia. If your friend group fears they’re no longer the people they once were, here are four college memories to rehash instead of admitting you’ve all changed.
Courtney Throwing Up in the Radiator
Courtney throwing up in the radiator is a classic memory everyone has from college no matter who they were friends with. If you went to college, there’s a 100% chance you knew someone named Courtney who threw up into her heating system or at least projectile vomited into every slat of the blinds. Hilarious! Talk about this instead of taking a big sigh and just saying, “So we’re all like…so different now, huh?”
Paco Hooking Up With the Entire Quidditch Team
There’s no better freshman-year memory than Paco hooking up with the entire Quidditch team. Haha, Paco! He used to be so crazy. Now he works for a GOP consulting firm and instead of conceding you don’t have much in common anymore, talk about his Quidditch-based sexual melee every time you get together. This will prevent either of you from acknowledging you’re no longer two people who do shots of fireball three to four times a week.
Lamie Getting Run Over By the Public Safety Cart
Lol. Lamie getting run over by the public safety cart on Parrish lawn was so funny. The school ended up paying her $100,000, which barely covered the cost of her tuition anyway. God, that was truly so crazy. Retell this story whenever you’re with college friends so you never have to express the fear you’ve all outgrown your youth and each other. But now that you’re adult, maybe ask if Lamie is okay, because sometimes she still wakes up screaming, “No! Not the campus safety cart!”
Katy Marrying the Dean
Wow. Katy didn’t even graduate. She just married the dean. This definitely violated some ethics clause of the college, but whatever! Laugh about this with your friends so you don’t just randomly blurt out, “We’ve all changed too much to be doing this anymore, right? Does anyone here even like each other?”
Next time you’re hanging out with your old college buds and don’t want to address that you’ve all changed, rehash these memories. They should do the trick! The trick of preventing you from acknowledging the passage of time and its often sad effects.
