4 Christmas Dresses That Say, ‘I’ve Never Had a Dick in My Mouth’

This delicate green dress may not be camouflage, but it’s sure to disguise your true identity as a dick diva with an appetite for swollen junk. Throw on this graceful dress and when you answer your sweet old grandpa’s question of “What have you been up to?” with “All sorts of stuff,” he’ll never know that you’re really talking about all sorts of dick-sucking. This dress will keep your family from discovering that you spend your nights doing anything from licking balls to getting face-fucked, and that’s exactly how you like it. But right now you look pure as fuck.