In the cyclical world of fashion, trends from the past are always making their way back into our wardrobes. The recent resurgence of 90s style brought us flattering, comfortable mom jeans, but now the aughts are creeping up on us once more, and pants that surpass your hip bones are on their way out. These are frightening times, but there are ways around this imminent disaster: Here are three amazing extended vacations you can take while you wait out the popularity of low rise jeans.
Hike the Appalachian Trail
While admittedly labor intensive, hiking the Appalachian Trail is a great way to remove yourself from society while you wait out the return and subsequent retirement of low rise jeans. You will be welcome and even encouraged to wear the most practical of clothing while you complete the strenuous 2,184 mile hike, and there is nothing practical about denim that just barely covers your pubes. What shirt do you even wear with these? Who is this good for?! Anyway, prepare your massive backpack, tuck your hips safely into some mid rise pants, and head into the wilderness! It’s safer there.
A Cruise Around the World
If you really want to play it safe, treat yourself to a journey by the sea across the whole world. This trip will last a minimum of three months, and you may just learn a thing or two about yourself while taking part in the great human tradition of seafare. Best of all, you will be on a boat with a pre packed set of clothes, so you don’t have to respond to shifting sartorial trends. Especially trends from a time where nobody had a butt and jeans rested just millimeters above the top of your precarious asscrack. Enjoy seeing the world from sea to shining sea! Just make sure you stay aboard when the vessel docks to avoid shopping.
Work at Disneyland in a Full Body Stitch Costume
To ensure beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will not ever have to wear low rise jeans, quit your job and seek employment playing Stitch at the Disneyland theme park. Of course, this isn’t technically a vacation, but you’ll feel like you’re on vacation in the roomy comfort of a full-coverage body suit while you play the beloved Stitch of Disney’s Lilo & Stitch! Under that massive blue costume, you can wear anything you want, and you never have to wear pants whose main purpose seems to be pushing everything between your butt and boobs together. Talk about a wish upon a star!
So give one of these extended vacations a go while you wait out the dreaded comeback of jeans that make you look like a forgotten cast member of The Hills. Bon voyage!