In a heart-stopping developing story out of Crown Heights, 25-year-old Hanan Bari put on hand lotion in the bathroom, and now she can’t get a good grip on the doorknob at all.
“I peed then I washed my hands after, but after washing I decided to use some new hand lotion, and now my hands are completely lubricated,” said Hanan in a phone interview. “I can’t even begin to turn the doorknob.”
Good God. We have no idea how Hanan is going to get out of that bathroom, but her survival instincts better kick in soon, even if the results aren’t pretty.
“Currently I’m just trying to rub my hands more so that the skin absorbs the lotion, but when I tell you that there is no friction whatsoever, believe me,” Hanan said. “Sometimes I think the doorknob is turning, but then I realize it’s just my slippery-ass hand. Now my strength is slowly fading.”
We asked Hanan if she had to drink her own urine yet and she reported that she had not since she’s in a bathroom with running water and also it’s only been a couple of minutes.
“This has to resolve itself eventually,” Hanan said. “I guess I could take off my shirt and use it to grasp the knob, but I don’t want to get lotion on my shirt.”
Grisly stuff, but what was once unthinkable may soon become the only option.
“Honestly, it feels like you guys are trying to make this situation worse,” Hanan said, probably growing insane from dehydration and adrenaline. “I’ll be fine.”
At this point, Hanan was most likely on the verge of hacking off her slicked-up hands with a nail clipper, but we’ll never know because her roommate got home and opened the door.
Congratulations to this hero of endurance on making through, even if she did it in the most boring way possible.
“Okay, I admit,” Hanan added. “That was pretty scary.”
