True friendship is a beautiful thing — especially when your friend is really, really pretty! But bonding with buds isn’t just about margaritas and pretending to like each other’s douchey boyfriends — it takes patience, empathy, and a whole lot of moral support. All of that is just as true when it comes to your prettiest friend. Here are a few ways to form deeper connections with your nicest-faced BFF:
1. Get to know her history, like that summer of that brief awkward phase when she turned 12.
Everybody had an awkward phase, like when your teeth grew in like a botched-up Tetris game or a new genus of pimples conquered your chin. Your prettiest friend is no exception, even though she gets proposed to twice a year by different rich guys. Her adolescent trauma was the same, just prettier! After laughing over some chubby old pictures, she can breathe a sigh of relief that her ugly duckling phase over, and you can envy the fact that she ever grew out of it!
2. Spend a chill day just hanging out with her high school Facebook albums.
True friends have the most fun when they just veg out and enjoy each other’s company. Wile away the hours stalking all your pal’s high school Facebook photos, and soon you’ll realize you don’t even need to talk or be in the same room to have a great time together! It’ll feel like her tousled, virgin blond locks and junior prom date are right there beside you.
3. Talk shit about your second prettiest friend to show her you’re down.
Look, OBVIOUSLY your second prettiest friend has NOTHING on your #1 Girl. But sometimes your prettiest friend needs to hear that from you. Subtly emphasize her superiority, in a nice way. No need to call your second-prettiest friend desperate or ugly — maybe mention something minor about #2, like how her makeup would look more presentable if she just watched a few YouTube tutorials. Besides, your tragic pal’s bandage dress and new “edgy side-bangs” do the job for you.
4. Organize a group brunch, but send your prettiest friend to a different, uglier restaurant with you.
You’re guaranteed to have your prettiest friend all to yourself. Without loser Janet butting in to Instagram her face every five minutes, your prettiest friend will really be able to open up. And after two hours of bottomless Mimosas, she’ll probably stop asking “Wait, when is Sherryl gonna get here, she’s my DD!”
5. Get an exact replication of her prettiest tattoo!
You guys share everything — feelings, jokes, her modeling dreams — so why shouldn’t you share that gorgeous orchid tattoo she got on her hipbone three years ago when she went Buddhist for a month? Now you have a physical connection that will bring you both lifelong joy until your torsos get wrinkly. Well, at least until yours does. The women in her family “don’t get wrinkles.”
6. When she’s going through a breakup, stay at her house every night.
If some boy is insane enough to break your prettiest friend’s gorgeous little heart again, it’s up to you to be her emotional rock. Show you’re with her through the good times and the bad by sleeping on her floor for a week after the split. She won’t have to feel alone, and you’ll get to feel pretty by association! She’s truly amazing!!
7. Start a campaign to put her on the $20 dollar bill.
Once you’ve truly, deeply bonded with your prettiest friend, you’ll probably realize that it’s unfair to keep her all to yourself. She deserves to have the whole country appreciate her pretty face, each and everyday day – preferably when they’re doing the things not-pretty people do with money, like buying milk and betting on horses. You want women to get the recognition they deserve, and also being near your pretty friend makes others think you’re prettier than you are
8. Get really drunk and yell ugly things at her pretty face.
Friendship isn’t friendship without the occasional imperfect moment. Get drunk and tell her everything, like how she has a near sociopathic penchant for dating guys you’re secretly in love with, and how her life is easier than yours is, and how all her advice boils down to “just let it happen” which is bullshit because only pretty people’s problems get fixed by sitting around doing nothing. Her blank, hurt stare will give way to a deeper friendship — and she’ll still look so, so pretty!
Follow this advice, and you’ll form a bond firmer than her pretty little butt!
