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Safety First! Drunk Woman Doesn’t Even Have Her License

‘I Should Go Back to School,’ Says Woman Who Should Probably Just Get a Library Card

Uh Oh! New Boyfriend Is Funny Like ‘The Bear’ Is a Comedy

Woman Tells Her Friends That She Just Met Her Husband After Every First Date Just in Case

Dog Rescued From Makeup Testing Facility Serving Face

Apple Confirms They Keep Changing the Chargers Just to Fuck With You

Man Fails Written Portion of First Date

‘I Love This Song,’ Says Person About to Get 100% of Words Wrong

Wow! Hottest Bag of the Season Is Rotisserie Chicken

How to Introduce Two Friends by Locking One of Them in the Bathroom to Acclimatize

Jill Stein Offers Representation for Voters Who Love to Cause Drama and Disappear

Woman on Airplane Napping in Positions She Hasn’t Attempted Since the Womb

Author Went to Great Lengths to Make Sure Everyone Knows Character Is White

Woman Takes Mental Health Day to Indulge in the Most Self-Destructive Behaviors She Knows

Wow! Salmon Migrated Across the Atlantic for a Booty Call

Cringe! A Story From the Old Testament Just Came up on God’s Facebook Memories

Woman at Bar Flirts by Tying Mozzarella Stick Into Knot With Tongue

Woman Spends Entire Meal Battling Urge to Blow out Tiny Table Candle

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