As Sochi 2014 enters its second week, gym owners nationwide report a surge in shame-induced Zumba class attendance. The trainers speculate that watching Olympic athletes compete so vigorously in fringe sports has caused a shame spiral leading women to sign up for the unconventional Latin dance-inspired aerobic workout in unprecedented numbers.
“We saw the most customers sign up for classes during the ice skating segment,” says Curves manager Cassey Prentz. “Zumba is most similar to ice skating. There are a lot of inexplicable arm movements.”
The Olympics are bringing new students to the gym as well: “Before these Olympics, I was pretty okay with my body,” confesses Lisa Esposito, who prefers not to reveal her age, “But every time a 15-year-old wins a medal, I have to sign up for a class to calm down. I hate Zumba, but knowing I’m signed up for a different kind of class each day of the week makes me feel like a vivacious teenager again.”
In preparation for the post-Olympics decline, Curves weight-loss centers have set their TVs to play only reruns of America’s Next Top Model.
