Yikes! Mark Winks Now

Uh oh! With unexpected confidence, it seems Boulder resident Mark Jenkins has decided that he winks now, both casually and frequently, despite no one asking for it.


Friends say this new habit caused a lot of misunderstandings, as well as a great amount of sexual tension.


“He’d say things like, ‘See you later,’ and then wink,” said longtime friend Jada Montgomery. “I thought he was flirting, but then one day he thanked me for handing him his phone and winked, so I realized he has no sense of its meaning or when it’s appropriate.”


Coworkers claim Jenkins’ new habit adds confusion to the workplace.


“I can never tell if he’s kidding,” said supervisor Mckenzie Johnson. “I just need a definite answer. Like are you going to get me those charts or not, Mark?”


Others don’t understand Jenkins’ motive to start winking.



“Is it some kind of life crisis?” asked roommate Nick Bolson. “Can’t he just redecorate the house or get a weird haircut instead of making me constantly question if everything he says has an ulterior meaning?”


Aside from the emotional implications, his mother, Marianne Jenkins, at first thought it was a health concern.


“We have a history of eye issues in our family,” stated Jenkins. “I told him he should see a doctor. But he said ‘don’t worry about it,’ and winked, and I realized it was just a lack of social awareness, and not a medical problem.”


According to friends, this is not the first time he has suddenly committed to a new behavior.


“He went through a high five phase as well,” said Bolson. “I liked that one better, because I felt so supported and energized all the time. Now I feel like we’re constantly making some secret pact that I’m not in on.”


“I don’t know many people that can pull off a casual wink,” added Montgomery. “Does he think he’s like, a mischievous grandpa or an unexpectedly sensitive quarter back in a teen movie?”


Jenkins says he’s open to feedback.



“Yeah, maybe I went a little overboard with the winking, it’s just kind of hard to stop,” admitted Jenkins. “I guess stuff like that just seems kinda forced.”


“But hey, that’s life,” he stated, shooting a finger gun and going in for a fist bump.