If you love a lady who goes after what she wants even when she probably shouldn’t, then look no further than Robin Hellman: This 23-year-old’s Dungeons and Dragons group meets bi-weekly over Zoom, and Robin’s character keeps trying to start group sex, literally every time.
“The first time she did it, I was like, okay, that’s a choice,” says Dungeon Master Priya Mehta. “But then it happened three more times, twice in the same campaign, and I was like, no, this is becoming a pattern.”
“I get that we’re all horny and stuck in our homes,” Priya adds. “But it’s kind of derailing our games. Maybe she needs to reflect on this a bit?”
However, Robin stands unapologetically behind her D&D sex-based decisions.
“I know everyone thinks this is just quarantine horniness, but that’s honestly disrespectful to me and even more disrespectful to my character, Lysandra Titbottom,” says Robin. “I won’t allow her to be desexualized just because she’s an elf. Elves are sexual, too. Especially Lysandra. Sooo horny.”
“She’s chaotic good,” Robin adds. “Get into it.”
Okay, yes! We wish we were as dedicated to anything as Robin is to initiating orgies in a role-playing tabletop adventure game amongst friends.
But sadly, a disturbing number of Robin’s fellow players fail to appreciate the unwavering authenticity of her character.
“It’s just getting out of control,” says Zach Naifeh. “Last time we were counting on her to use her high intelligence stat to get us out of a pretty bad wolf situation, but instead she used her turn to play ‘Let’s Get it On’, and, unfortunately, got the role she needed to do it. The wolves decimated us.”
Worth it!
“I just know I’m on the right path,” says Robin. “Lysandra simply would start inter-species group sex.”
“And Priya said that next time we’re playing with all new characters,” Robin continues. “But I just have a feeling that my future character would initiate group sex, also.”
“It’s called world-building,” Robin says.
Sounds above board to us!
