In a surprising story out of Brooklyn, NY, 28-year-old Ingrid Shoenhorn prepared her annual holiday “specialty recipe”, which happens to be the only dish she is fully capable of cooking that people would ever want to eat.
“I’m so excited to make my very special lasagna for my friend’s holiday party this weekend,” says Ingrid. “Every year, people are so impressed!”
“We’re impressed that she managed to read a recipe and use ingredients in order to make one edible dish,” says Ingrid’s roommate, Edina. “I mean, one time she found a way to fuck up a bagel. It wasn’t even a toasted bagel.”
Ingrid’s very forgiving friends are astounded by her ability to pull off even one coherent signature dish at all, given her cooking abilities.
“Yeah, most of the time we just tell Ingrid to bring beer,” says Ingrid’s friend, Josh. “But somehow, she managed to adequately construct a lasagna that tastes pretty good. We have no idea how she pulls it off.”
“Honestly, the only reason I ever tried her lasagna was by accident. I didn’t even know she was a dangerously bad cook,” says acquaintance, Tamara Hall. “It tasted fine, but I didn’t know until after the fact that I was the canary in the coal mine.”
While Ingrid is proud of her signature dish, she is also acutely aware that this is the only recipe with more than one ingredient that she is capable of putting together.
“Oh yeah, I know I can’t cook for shit,” says Ingrid. “But that’s what makes this dish so special.”
