After trying countless cleansers, toners, exfoliants, moisturizers, and masks, Iyana Bailey finally achieved the skin of her dreams. Now, with nothing left to strive towards, she wants to add something new to her routine to fuck it all up again.
“Sure, having flawless skin for the first time in my adult life is amazing,” the 24-year-old told reporters. “But I keep seeing this new moisturizer on TikTok and I really want to give it a try, even though I literally don’t need it and it could set my progress back at least five years.”
The new product that Iyana is interested in is a snail mucin repairing serum that is most suitable for people with dry skin. Even though Iyana has combination skin and will likely break out from the serum, she’s still willing to give it the old college try.
“They say that your skin changes every seven years, so it’s important to switch up your skincare routine once and a while,” she said. “Even though it’s only been a couple of weeks since my last breakout, what can it really hurt?”
Dermatologists everywhere were perplexed when they heard about Iyana’s logic regarding skin care, especially since she’s worked so tirelessly to get it to the point where it’s at today.
“She really should just leave her skin the fuck alone,” Dermatologist Dr. Jena Greenburg said. “It’s like, is she so used to getting breakouts now that she subconsciously doesn’t want to let them go? I just don’t get it.”
When asked about what exactly she’s trying to achieve, Iyana had a crystal-clear picture of what she wanted.
“My skin is honestly fantastic right now, but I’m trying to get glass skin,” she told reporters. “I’m not sure if it really exists or I’m being lied to by Instagram influencers, but I’ll be damned if I don’t try to achieve it myself.”
Despite many skin care experts saying that she’s flying way too close to the sun, Iyana has already placed the order for the skincare product that, according to her, is going to be “life changing,” even though she doesn’t know if the life change will be for better or for worse.
At press time, Iyana immediately broke out after only using the serum once, leaving new scars all over her face.
“I’m still glad that I tried it,” she said. “And now that I know it’s not for me, I can focus on getting my skin back to the state it was in before I completely fucked it up out of sheer boredom!”
