Woman Who Identifies As A ‘Picky Eater’ Thinks That’s A Cute Character Trait

Grown adult Allison Haney proudly identifies as a “picky eater.” While this descriptor is typically reserved for fussy preschoolers who only eat chicken nuggets, 35-year-old sales manager Haney exists under the impression that being a “picky eater” is not only a thing, but a charming, quirky character trait.


Haney sticks to a strict diet of mac and cheese, hamburgers with ketchup, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Eggs are an absolute no-go, as are sandwiches cut in rectangles instead of triangles. She refuses to so much as look at a plate of chicken tikka masala because of its vibrant flavor – a behavior that, remarkably, does not embarrass her whatsoever.


“I can’t stand going to dinner with this butter-and-pasta-ass bitch,” says Haney’s close friend and confidant, Dana Forgione. “If we’re at a fancy restaurant, I’ll order a nice app and some crazy entrée because, yeah, we’re there. But Allison will literally just ask for a well-done hamburger wherever we go!”


Fiogione went on to describe a particularly harrowing incident where Haney brought her own boxed of uncooked pasta to a Michelin-star restaurant. Her friends’ reactions to this spectacle ranged from befuddled to angry.


“It’s clear Allison believes being a picky eater is an actual, real, gastrointestinal condition, and not just the result of her parents caving to her early childhood temper tantrums,” says another friend, Regina Wexler.


Indeed, it appears Haney considers “picky eating” to be her tragic, Shakespearean flaw, but in a sexy way. A former romantic interest of hers confirms it is also the utter basis for how she navigates her love life. Haney’s romantic interest, who wishes to remain anonymous, claims Haney whipped out the “picky eater” card within the first ten minutes of their date.



“I think she thought it was like…adorable or something?” says the source, who last dined with Haney in August. “Like…that it would be a turn-on? Genuinely not sure how she wanted me to react.”


The undisclosed date went on to describe Haney’s pickiness as, “like using baby voice, except replace ‘baby voice’ with ‘I need more ketchup.’”


Haney’s lack of embarrassment regarding her own toddler-level palate just goes to show we live in a world of paradoxes that may never be solved. While it’s not necessarily her fault she didn’t even look at a jalepeño until she was 18, the very least she could do is be ashamed about it. Here’s to Haney, and to growing up!