Inspiring young writers everywhere to shoot for the stars despite their lack of qualifications, 24-year-old novelist Amanda Ferraro will avoid working on her debut novel by any means necessary, but she knows exactly what she’ll wear to accept the Man Booker Prize for said debut novel.
“I’m thinking my black dress pants with this brown suede suit jacket I really love, to give the vibe of ‘youthful yet sophisticated,’” she told reporters, unprompted.
When asked what motivates the main characters of her novel, Amanda said, “Oh, no clue. But their names are Gregory and Chaim! Or maybe Greg and Whitt? I’m trying not to get too bogged down in the specifics.”
Said “specifics” include the novel’s main plot points and themes, as well as its general tone. Sources confirm Amanda has sunk the majority of her time into planning the color palette of her award season outfit, which she considers “an integral part of the writing process.”
Any time reporters pressed Amanda about the timeline by which she’ll finish the novel, she maintained it was “simply not for me to know,” but when reporters asked how she plans to accessorize to accept her first Pulitzer, she pulled out a Pinterest mood board.
“People really overlook the importance of a great statement necklace,” she said, pointing to a photo of Barbara Kinslover accepting the Pulitzer for Demon Copperhead. “And I think they overstate the importance of things like ‘central questions’ and ‘narrative cohesion.”
“Most days, I’ll ask her how the novel is going, and she’ll skirt around the question,” Amanda’s roommate, Martha Luiz, told reporters. “I’m not sure if she’s even started, honestly? But she’s got the Pulitzer and Man Booker outfits down. They’re so good.”
Sources confirm Amanda would sign up for a writing course in her free time, but she needs to funnel that money into things that she considers more important, like a really cool pair of pants.
“Am I avoiding working on my project because I’m afraid that whatever I put down on the page won’t measure up to the perfect image of it that I have safely encased in my brain? Yes,” she told reporters. “Does that mean — Omg should I wear chunky loafers?”
Step aside, Zadie Smith! There’s a new girl wonder in town, and she isn’t really writing all that much!
