Woman Who Often Forgets Birth Control Never Forgets to Get Dicked

Although Charlotte resident Carly Schafer regularly forgets to take her daily birth control, many sources state that she somehow manages to never, ever forget to get dicked real good, on the daily.


“Sometimes I’m just so busy, things slip through the cracks,” says Schafer. “Of course getting laid is never one of the things that I forget. I would never forget to get dicked.”


“Everyone has their priorities and that’s okay,” said longtime friend Natalie Weintraub. “Some people’s is to avoid getting pregnant in order to fulfill their life’s goals. Carly’s main priority is to get dicked down real hard and real good.”


“Still, it would probably just be more awesome if she remembered to take the pills she was prescribed specifically so she can get dicked down worry-free,” Weintraub added.


While people take birth control for a variety of reasons, Schafer says she went on the pill for the express purpose of preventing pregnancy.


“I’m not at a point in my life where I want a kid,” said Schafer. “I got a Sprintec prescription so I can ride as much peen as I want without worrying about a missed period.”


The Sprintec website states that in order for the drug to be most effective, users must actually take it.


“I told her she could set a phone reminder,” says Weintraub. “She responded with, ‘but what if it goes off while I’m getting superb dick? I would never forgive myself.’”


Apps like Clue, Eve, and Flo are widely used to not only track menstrual cycles, but to set daily reminders for birth control. Schafer says she has tried Clue.


“It helps a little,” said Schafer. “But sometimes the reminders get lost in a sea of phone notifications from men replying to my requests for big peen.”


“She never misses those notifications,” said coworker Michelle Fulton. “I once saw her reach for her birth control and get distracted by a Tinder message from some guy named Nate just as she was about to put it in her mouth.”


“Nate? Oh boy, he dicked me down so fuckin’ good,” said Schafer remembering the event, smiling.



Schafer says that she’s learning to be less forgetful.


“I’ve started taking it at 1 PM every day because I’ve learned that’s when I’m most likely to remember. And also when I’m most likely to not have some dude giving me that good good dick.”