Woman Too Worried About Reproductive Rights to Worry About Being Criticized for Drinking Pumpkin Spice Latté

It’s that time of year – the leaves are changing, and pumpkin spice lattes have returned. While some are worried about feeling like a basic bitch for drinking this seasonal drink, Charlotte resident Ashley Jones has been too worried about the pending status of her reproductive rights to additionally worry about seeming like a basic bitch.


“I don’t care at all,” she said, autumnal Starbucks drink in hand. “I just want to know if I’m going to lose my right to have a safe abortion in the next month or so. I’m so terrified,”


For Ashley, this worry has permeated her entire fall experience, resulting in her living life as a basic fall bitch without any bounds. She has since purchased cider, worn a flannel with combat boots, and gone pumpkin picking, without any concern for what others think.


“My friends said that going pumpkin picking was ‘basic’ but right now I’m so worried about the government gearing up to force me to have an unwanted child that this is really the only thing that has brought me joy in weeks,” she recalled, as she added leaf emojis to her Instagram post of her trip.



Ashley’s boyfriend, Damon Gray has since expressed some concern.


“She’s so worried about the potential overturning of Roe v. Wade to even notice that drinking a pumpkin spice latte and talking about loving it like it’s the only good drink is way more ‘basic’ than she enjoys being,” Gray explained.


“It is the only good drink. It’s the only thing that makes me feel like things are not rapidly falling apart for a split second,” Ashley responded.


At press time, Ashley was headed to Planned Parenthood to get an IUD inserted, and was under so much stress she absentmindedly grabbed her knitted infinity scarf.