Kimi Marshall has tried just about everything to get enough sleep each night, but sadly, nothing seems to work. This is apparently because, as she puts it, she is simply too tired to maintain a solid sleep schedule.
“I would put in the work if I could,” Kimi told reporters. “But maintaining a sleep schedule is just beyond my bandwidth at the moment. Wish there was something I could do about it!”
According to Kimi’s friends, there is definitely a specific thing she could do about it, which is pick a time to go to sleep and stick to it.
“I’m not sure why she thinks that maintaining a sleep schedule is hard work,” Kimi’s friend Janizca told reporters. “Especially since she only gets more and more tired by going to sleep at 2 a.m. every night and waking up at 8 a.m. She’s already maintaining a sleep schedule right now — it’s just a really bad one.”
However, Kimi doesn’t think that people are taking into account how taxing it is to change one’s entire routine.
“Do you know how long it’ll take me to train myself to go to sleep at 10 p.m. every night?” Kimi asked reporters while scrolling on her phone at 1:30 a.m. on a weeknight. “I mean, I personally have no idea, but it would probably take a long time, and I just don’t have that kind of flexibility in my schedule.”
By “flexibility,” it appears that Kimi means the flexibility to stay up as long as possible for no apparent reason.
“I do have my reasons though,” Kimi added. “Staying up late is fun, and going to bed early is lowkey sad and boring.”
Despite Kimi’s reasoning, the people closest to her still don’t seem to quite understand it.
“She would be so much less tired if she went to bed earlier,” Kimi’s roommate Ellie Thompson said. “And it would actually be a lot easier for her because she wouldn’t have to be awake for as long. I mean, what’s easier than literally being asleep?”
As of press time, Kimi has decided to expend her energy in a much more productive way than maintaining a sleep schedule, which is getting really invested in Candy Crush and playing it so often that she has pushed her regular bedtime to 3 a.m.
