31-year-old Navya Jain has started to question the validity of science after still not seeing any mental or physical benefits of yoga, despite practicing it once every few years.
“I started yoga in college to be calmer and more centered, but it’s like nothing’s changed,” said the corporate attorney. “I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong, I’ve done yoga at least four times since I graduated. Maybe I’m not being mindful enough?”
Sources report that Navya gets back into yoga every couple of years around January when she’s “ready to reset her life,” however her resolve drops considerably after January 10th. Yet her consistency of taking it up again after a few years remains admirable.
“I’ve been a devout practitioner for more than a decade. I even own a yoga mat!” exclaimed Navya. “But I still can’t touch my toes and I’m still pretty stressed most of the time. I’m starting to think all those health benefits of yoga are bullshit.”
Reporters confirmed that the last time Navya practiced yoga, Obama was still in office.
“I’m pretty sure the only time I’ve seen Navya use her yoga mat in the past year was when she was too lazy to fold her clothes, so she took a nap on the mat instead,” said Navya’s friend Kimmy. “I guess you could call that meditating, but does that really count if she fell asleep next to an open bag of Cheetos?”
However, despite her skepticism on the actual benefits of yoga, Navya remains hopeful that her regular cycle of practicing yoga at about the same frequency as the Olympics will lead to results.
“I just signed up for classes with my local yoga studio, so as long as I keep sticking with it, I’m sure my increasingly high blood pressure and constant sleeping problems will get fixed eventually. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from yoga, it’s that patience is key! At least, I think it is. I was too stressed out about work to listen to the yoga teacher fully.”
As of press time, sources report that Navya only audited a class before her free trial ended and has yet to go back.
