Woman So Tired She’ll Skip Checking the Shower for Murderer Tonight

In a shocking story out of Berkeley, CA, 28-year-old Becca Wayfield was reportedly so tired she temporarily forgot to be anxious about being murdered in her own shower.


“I was helping my friend move all day,” Wayfield reported. “My arms were so tired, and I just wanted to watch Selling Sunset with my laptop inches from my face until I fall asleep, so I just thought, fuck it, I’ll worry about that stuff later.”


Sources say when Wayfield finally unlocked her front door and stepped inside, she felt so drained she didn’t even grab her keys between her knuckles to form Wolverine claws and creep upstairs to make sure no intruders entered her home while she was out.


“I haven’t been home since I left the house at ten to grab a coffee,” Wayfield noted. “I should stop drinking caffeine, the crash isn’t worth it,” as she mindlessly passed the front closet where she normally takes a deep breath and braces herself, before swiftly opening the door and preparing for attack.


“I just feel so scatterbrained,” Wayfield said and sighed as she took off her bra and changed into sweatpants. “Like I’m forgetting something,” she continued, forgetting that she would normally never start changing before checking under her bed, with 9-1-1 predialed on her phone.



Wayfield reportedly sat down on the toilet to pee and scrolled Twitter for 8 minutes, zoning out so hard she didn’t remember to check for sure that there wasn’t a murderer waiting for her in the shower, behind the curtain, holding his breath, ski mask and gloves on, having already selected the token he would take from her jewelry box, then climbed into bed.


Sources confirm Wayfield’s eyes sprung open, realizing she had been so zonked she forgot to be scared for her life and sneak through her own home with a pen, fork or frying pan in hand to defend herself against a murderer who could have been hiding between the wall and the door, her kitchen cabinets, or behind her floor-length curtains in the living room.


“Oh well, I guess I missed the sweep tonight. But I just can’t do another damn thing today.”


Wayfield sighed and pulled on her eye mask, adding, “If someone murders me at least my fucking back won’t hurt anymore.”