Claire Worthington of Cheltenham, Pennsylvania made waves this week due to her insistence on referring to the act of eating pussy as “cunnilingus.”
“It’s gross,” says best friend Kirsten Scotto. “Like what are you, a mad scientist?”
The first time Worthington used the word to describe eating the tuna taco was during a girltalk session about their typical sexual practices. When friend Alison Piekarski asked what sex act they enjoy the most, Worthington replied, to the shock of many, that it was “always cunnilingus.”
“I don’t see why Claire had to use that word when there are so many other words for steam-cleaning the carpet”, says Piekarski. “Pussy-eating, snatch-snacking, cooter-crunching, muff-diving, and having a box lunch are all valid, mature ways of expressing what’s going on. I don’t see why she had to use such a skeevy word.”
Witnesses report furrowed brows, nausea, and flashbacks to uncomfortable junior high health classes.
“She asked me to perform some word that begins with C on her,” says David Finkels of their most recent hookup. “I was like ‘What? Confucius?’ and she was like ‘Never mind’ and I was still confused but then she started sucking my dick so I was like, ‘Whatever.’”
“I don’t see what’s so wrong with that valid, scientific word,” says Worthington. “Cunnilingus is my favorite way to transition between foreplay and intercourse.”
