Woman Pretends Week-Old Cat Vomit ‘Just Happened’

A San Diego, CA date was ruined last Saturday evening by four patches of dried cat vomit, which owner Betsy Carver claimed “must have just happened.” However, reports indicate Betsy had full knowledge that she had not cleaned up the cat barf from a week ago.


Dave Ramsay, the unlucky suitor, first registered concern upon entering the apartment. Betsy’s feigned show of embarrassment at seeing the dried cat vomit was “over-rehearsed.”


“I’ve seen a lot of semi-professional theatre. I’m in Macbeth right now, actually, so I can tell when someone’s overacting,” said Ramsey. “Plus, the carpet was really crunchy.”


The vomit in question was deeply stained into the apartment’s low-pile beige carpet. Small chunks of still-formed Meow Mix kibbles could be seen resting atop the dry vomit. The mess was cool and lacked pungency, proving it had clearly been on the floor for at least a day.


Evidence indicates Carver had plenty of opportunity to remove the cat barf prior to Dave’s visit. According to Carver’s texts with friends the evening of their third date, she was, “Gonna get some tonight! New sheets on the bed!”



“Betsy is a traditionalist, if she makes it to the third date with a guy, he’s coming upstairs,” said Vanessa Smith, Betsy’s best friend. “She would have had plenty of time and foresight to clean up the cat puke before he came over.”


Reports suggest this isn’t the first time Betsy had delayed cleaning up more than one pile of cat vomit: “ I once saw Betsy ignore a pile of cat puke for three months,” says former roommate, Diana Skylar. “That’s basically why I moved out.”


Dave became suspicious of the cat vomit when Betsy acknowledged the vomit but didn’t even move to clean it up.


“We were really hitting it off. I couldn’t just call a time out to clean up animal mess,” said Betsy.


“The whole thing pretty much killed my boner.” said Dave. “I just can’t be a part of whatever reality she lives in where this is acceptable.”