In unexciting news coming out of Atlanta, GA, 27-year-old Jill Douglas has been on the phone with her mother for about 50 minutes and is at this point just pretending that it’s a really boring podcast she put on for background noise.
“I love my mom, don’t get me wrong,” Jill told reporters. “It’s just that she’s telling me about how much she hates her neighbor from across the street for the fourth time now, and I don’t think she even wants me to say anything back.”
In just one hour of listening to her own mother talk, Jill has meal prepped for the whole week, painted her toenails, gone grocery shopping, and even went on a run.
Jill has even adjusted to this new parasocial relationship with her mom so much that she has given it its own genre.
“I kind of think of it as a true crime podcast,” she said. “Except instead of murder, it’s about how Patrice keeps parking her car too close to my mom’s driveway.”
However, Jill likes to keep things interesting by changing the subgroup of the podcast depending on what her mom is talking about that day.
“When she talks about how she needs to start meditating, I think of it as a spirituality podcast,” Jill told us. “And when she starts talking about her own conspiracies about the government, I think of it as a fringe podcast that’s really controversial.”
At this time, Jill is even considering swapping out her favorite pods with various phone calls from her mom.
“There’s obviously nothing more soothing than listening to the voice of my own mother,” she said. “Even if I tune out everything that she’s actually saying to me. That’s why I’ve stopped listening to all the podcasts I love and just started calling my mom more instead.”
“And the best part?” Jill continued. “There’s no commercials!”