Woman Experiences Primal Urge to Gather at Complimentary Hotel Breakfast

When 41-year-old Melissa Montgomery traveled down to the lobby floor of her Miami hotel to take advantage of their complimentary breakfast, she thought that it’d be like every other breakfast she’s ever had – but that’s exactly when she suddenly felt the unignorable, primal urge to gather and store food for the coming winter.


“I don’t know what came over me,” Melissa told reporters. “But as soon as I got to the breakfast table, I couldn’t stop putting mini cereal boxes into my purse, and then telling my two kids to do the same.”


Witnesses report that she ravaged the complimentary breakfast so much so that there was barely enough left for the rest of the hotel guests.


“I’ve never even liked cereal that much,” Melissa said. “But once I saw that they were up for grabs, I couldn’t help myself. I guess it’s just my primal instinct to forage for goods to feed my family.”


Even though Melissa is staying at the hotel for seven more days, which means that she could come downstairs every day and get one cereal box at a time, she prefers to take as much as she possibly can in one go, because it’s what her early ancestors would have done.



“I can’t help my innate impulse to gather nutrients for myself and my family,” Melissa said. “I wish I could, but everything in my mind and body is telling me that we need these assorted cereal boxes to survive this trip to visit my parents.”


Melissa didn’t stop at the cereal boxes either. She also used her inherited impulse to collect napkins, plastic spoons and forks, as well as packets of jelly, syrup, butter, salt, pepper, and sugar.


“Who knows what’s going to happen to us? We might need every single one of these things,” she told us. “Oh God, should I have gotten more?”


At press time, Melissa has also managed to smuggle the complimentary waffle maker and tray of bacon out of the room, which she blames on her completely natural compulsion to steal from hotel chains.