Woman Misses Being in the Way at Bars

 In a heart-wrenching story out of Miami, local resident Rhea Versa reports that she deeply misses being in the way of literally everyone while out at bars.


“I wish it was an experience I could recreate at home,” says Versa. “But you just can’t replace going out with your girls, sipping strong drinks, and being steamrolled by other patrons as they claw their way toward the bartender.”


Although the infection rates in Florida don’t support this choice, Versa is itching to hit up her neighborhood hotspot, the Scorpion. The 500 square foot gem all but guarantees a perfect spot to be in everyone’s path simultaneously.


“I just love being in the mix, right in the thick of the crowd,” Versa says. “If I’d have known that the last time a bachelorette spilled their drink on me, it would really be the last time, I would have appreciated it way more.”


“What I wouldn’t give to have someone barge right into me carrying a speaker again,” she adds, mournfully.


Versa reportedly enjoys the sound of someone hollering over her head to their friend and the feeling of spittle as they yell to be heard over the thumping music.


“The magic of moving aside to let someone through, only to be in someone else’s way,” Versa says. “You never know what you’ll end up in the midst of, but you can count on me to be there planted as a human obstacle through all of it.”


However, not everyone in Versa’s life remembers their nights out with the same fondness.


“That place is so tight; I don’t really get why she likes it so much,” said a close friend, Kaya Calilo. “Last time we were there, this girl took a shot and then immediately puked into my handbag. I refused to go back after that.”



To cope, Rhea has found solace in strategically placing herself in new spots in the hopes of ending up in someone’s path, but it’s not the same.


“The magic just isn’t there at the grocery store,” she reports. “It’s a lot harder to be in the way with social distancing. Now people just sort of dodge me.”


At press time, Rhea reportedly has found a new outlet that satisfies her love for being in the way. She’s started habitually Jaywalking, causing several near-accidents.