For some, a midlife or quarter-life crisis might seem like a time to re-evaluate your life and priorities, but for Buffalo, NY resident Jacqueline Grealish, her absolute mental spiral sounded like the opportune time to finally binge AMC’s hit show from 2007, Mad Men.
“I’ve been meaning to watch this show for so long, I figured why not now? I just really felt like putting my mind to something and being productive,” said the 27-year-old who recently had a complete meltdown when trying to justify the $0.06 difference between organic and regular bananas at Trader Joe’s.
Sources tell reporters that after recently going through a brutal break-up and jumping around from job to job, Jacqueline felt languishing in life, which culminated in her crying for an hour on the bus ride home last week, only to realize she had missed her stop 45 minutes ago.
“There’s something about Don Draper’s struggle as an attractive, rich white man trying to become even richer in New York that is really speaking to me right now,” said Jacqueline, whose student loans just defaulted. “Not that I can relate in literally any way, but the time just felt right to really commit to 92 hour-long episodes of various white men profiting off capitalism and the backs of women. Also, Elizabeth Moss? Such a great actor!”
Those close to Jacqueline worry about her sudden affinity with the show instead of focusing on any aspect of her real life.
“I’m pretty sure this is a coping mechanism of some sort?” said Jacqueline’s roommate, Philippa. “Last night, I came home to her lying on the couch scrolling through fan edits of Don and Peggy. Which wouldn’t be too worrying, except that’s also exactly how I left her that morning.”
Jacqueline insists that her devoted absorption of Mad Men after years of “never really being able to get into it” has nothing to do with her current state in life and has everything to do with simply the show itself.
“It’s a good show; it’s won 16 Emmy’s! And it’s only 92 hours of television, it’s not ‘distracting me from facing reality’ despite what my therapist and many loved ones say.”
As of press time, Jacqueline was halfway through season four of the hit show, which is an objectively impressive feat considering she was just starting season one when reporters first talked with her.
“Just five more seasons, and then I’ll totally figure out what I’m doing with my life. Who knows? Maybe I’ll get a Master’s in Marketing!”
