Last week, while wistfully gazing at a beautiful sunset, 34-year-old Franny Weeks was reportedly also mentally tallying her caloric intake for the day.
“My fiancé and I like to drive out to the coast and watch the sunset from the dunes,” Weeks explained. “I was gazing awestruck into the endless abyss that is the evening sky when I started to go through what I had eaten that day, to sort of mentally see if it was too much or just the right amount.”
Weeks is no stranger to multi-tasking, often running through her to-do list during sex, or deciding what to make for dinner while staring into space at work.
“I guess I just do it naturally,” she said. “It was easy to woefully look at the sun setting and also remember every single thing I ate that day.”
But Franny’s memory is far from ordinary. She was able to watch the sun set over the melancholic sea while recalling that she ate a second piece of cake at Laurel’s goodbye party, a Fig Newton on her break, fifty or so Hershey Kisses throughout the day, and that she put whole milk in her morning coffee.
“You have to keep track of everything you eat. Otherwise you lose control, and control is everything. I’m glad I was able to tally up what I ate while I morosely watched the tragic sun set into the deep and mysterious ocean.”
Her fiancé recalls the wistful gazing, and claims that even he could not tell that Weeks was also tracking the minutia of her diet in her head.
“Sometimes I just lose her,” he said. “It’s like she’s here but she’s not. I just assumed she was worried about her mom’s illness. I guess she was counting cals in her head. I’m so glad I’m not a woman.”
Realizing the potential, Franny is excited to take her skills to the next level. Upcoming projects include running through a long list of her failures while she stares sadly out a train window and remembering every bad thing right before bed.
