While everyone has fantasized about winning the lottery at some point in their life, 27-year-old Chicago, IL resident Daria Valentino has taken it a step further: fantasizing about which of her lifelong relationships would be ruined by becoming an overnight millionaire.
“Winning the lottery would be an absolute dream,” Daria told reporters. “But there’s more to the dream than simply increasing the number on my bank statement – I’m interested in which of my closest relationships my newfound wealth would instantly destroy.”
Sources closest to Daria were alarmed by her words, unsure why that would be something she would fantasize about.
“I would never ask her for money if she won the lottery!” said Daria’s mom, Aila. “I’m not sure why my daughter would think her receiving a windfall of cash would ruin our relationship. Wait, she didn’t win, did she? I could really use some money to redo the kitchen…”
Daria said this was exactly the type of thing she was talking about, and that having these parasitic relationships weeded out by a lottery win would be nothing short of a blessing.
“If I never won the lottery, I would never find out which people would only like me for my exorbitant amount of wealth,” Daria said. “Right now I just have to live under the assumption that everyone simply likes me for me, because I literally do not have anything else to offer.”
She added, “It would be so fun to see who would ask me to loan them a couple hundred dollars once I had a couple hundred dollars to loan.”
Witnesses at the scene said at this point, Daria was practically frothing at the mouth in anticipation of cutting cherished loved ones out of her life.
“What if I won the lottery and my dad asked me to help pay off the mortgage on his house?” Daria asked. “My own dad! I’d obviously have to never speak to him again. That lottery money is mine! Mine!”
At press time, Daria had preemptively cut her sister, roommate, and dying grandpa out of her life, just at the mere thought of how they might try to take advantage of her in this hypothetical situation she seemed to be quickly adopting as her reality, saying, “My grandpa’s medical bills are his and his alone. This lottery money is going toward a pool, baby!”
