In a baffling story coming out of Brooklyn, NY, 29-year-old Paige Vela had been feeling excited about her thrift haul when she walked out of the store, only to discover once she got home that she had, in fact, purchased a 19th century bathing dress, a pair of hospital-issued scrub pants, and a DVD copy of The Proposal.
“I don’t know what happened,” Paige told reporters while looking visibly disoriented. “I distinctly remember thinking while I was shopping that I was having a particularly good thrift day. I don’t even have a DVD player.”
Paige said she didn’t understand why she ever thought those items were worth purchasing, adding that there were also a significant number of items she put in her basket but ultimately didn’t end up buying.
“Those were the three things I ultimately decided on out of a pile of, like, 10,” she told reporters. “What the hell were those seven other items?”
After reflecting for a moment, Paige admitted that, at one point, she may have earnestly put a custom 60th birthday t-shirt for somebody named “Dave” in her basket.
“It seemed like a perfect wardrobe staple at the time,” she told reporters.
Sources close to Paige confirmed that this was actually a very common occurrence for her.
“I’ve actually never seen Paige buy anything from a thrift store that could be considered ‘good,’” Paige’s friend, Maggie, told reporters. “But she doesn’t realize it until at least several hours after she already purchased it. It’s like being physically inside a thrift store completely clouds her judgement.”
Paige’s roommate, Kiva, agreed, saying, “One time she brought home a used ‘Maid of the Mist’ poncho and was excited because ‘now we don’t need umbrellas anymore!’ It took her until the next morning for her to realize that she actually didn’t want to wear a disposable boat tour poncho on a regular basis.”
“I just need to have more discernment when I go thrifting from now on,” Paige told reporters. “Basically, a blanket ‘no’ on anything homemade, t-shirts intended for children, or commemorative plastic cups from random sporting events.”
However, as of press time, Paige hadn’t learned her lesson, returning to the thrift store the next day, and leaving with a painting that someone clearly made at a one-off paint-and-sip.
“I stand by this one, actually,” Paige said. “It’s a damn good rendition of Starry Night.”
