Woman Curious Whether New Bout of Depression Will Be an ‘Eat Everything’ One or an ‘Eat Nothing’ One

After realizing that her mental health was on a sharp decline, Portland resident Irma Rattler spent the day wondering whether her new bout of depression would be an “eat everything” one or an “eat nothing” kind of depression.


“It’s always one or the other,” said Irma. “I just wanna be able to prepare for whatever appetite this episode brings.”


Irma, who has suffered from depression since she was a teenager, went on to explain her curiosity.


“If it’s just my regular chemical imbalance depression acting up, I usually don’t feel like eating at all,” she said. “But if I’m going through a breakup or a death or something, I sometimes become insatiable. But there have been exceptions to both.”


“So basically, I’m trying to figure out whether I can skip grocery shopping this week or I gotta work three or four pints of Talenti into my weekly budget,” Irma added.


Irma’s friends are worried, but hopeful.


“Of course, I always get concerned when Irma is in a depression,” said Reba Kirley, Irma’s roommate. “She’s my good friend. But also, whenever she’s in one of her eat-a-bunch-of-food funks, she invites me over and makes a ton of baked ziti. So I’m kinda hoping it’s one of those.”


“I hate seeing Irma so upset,” added Parthi Agarwala, a close friend. “But I especially hate when she’s the kind of depressed where she just eats like, a protein bar a day. It’s really unhealthy for her and also it wrecks our weekly Sunday brunch plans.”


“I can’t help but root for it being one of her bottomless mimosa depressions,” Parthi added.



For Irma, it’s all still up in the air.


“I’m eating regularly until the lack of serotonin really kicks in,” she said. “We’ll see where my brain takes me after that.”


“But I can’t ever seem to justify ordering Domino’s to myself without being at least a little sad, so here’s hoping!” Irma added.