While many are excited for the change of the season to bring respite from the blistering heat, 25-year-old Desiree Hammond is excited for an entirely different reason: She can’t wait to be hot indoors and cold outdoors.
Uh, sure! If that’s your thing, congrats, girl!
“I love summer, but I honestly find it all too temperate,” she told reporters as she stared at her closet, trying to decide on an outfit. “You can wear shorts and a t-shirt and be fine both outside and inside. Where’s the fun in that?”
Desiree then deliberately checked the weather, saw it was a chilly 50 degrees, and chose not to layer at all. She instead opted for an extremely thick turtleneck that will do nothing to stop the chill when she’s outside but be way too hot the second she walks into a subway station or building.
“I love to be uncomfortable at all times,” Desiree continued. “It’s how I know I’m freakin’ alive!”
“I’ve told Desiree countless times that layering even a little bit would solve all of her problems,” her coworker, Fernando Leon, told reporters. “It’s painful to look over at her desk and see her sweating buckets every single winter day, but it’s preventable! It’s also kind of creepy that she enjoys it so much.”
“There’s nothing I love more than realizing I’m a bit late for work on a cool November day, running out of the house in an outfit that is not suitable for the weather, and then ultimately sweating through my outfit once I catch the bus,” Desiree continued. “That and apple cider are my two favorite winter treats!”
Scientists confirm Desiree is the first documented person who thinks this way, as most people find this experience akin to hellish torture.
“Desiree was a normal kid who dressed for the seasons just like everyone else,” her mom, Tammi Hammond, told reporters. “Then, one day, I sent her to school in too thick of a sweater and no undershirt, and she came home with a sinister gleam in her eye. She had been freezing outside but way too hot inside, and she said it made her feel ‘freakin’ alive’? Which is concerning because she doesn’t use that type of language.”
Since then, Desiree has found herself looking forward to the disgusting experience ever since.
As of press time, Desiree decided to wear thick, fuzzy overalls and a t-shirt, a combo that will certainly make her feel fucked up temperature-wise regardless of where she’s going.
