In a claustrophobic story coming out of a living room in Brooklyn, NY, 29-year-old Marianne Stephens has done the math and concluded that 99% of the space in her apartment is taken up by her winter coats.
Marianne told reporters that she’s tried everything to slow her coats’ slow takeover of her apartment –– even going so far as to actually put a couple of them away.
“Basically, I’ve just accepted that this is how it’s going to be for a while,” she told reporters. “Until it gets warm out, my arm is going to brush against a winter jacket no matter where I am in my apartment.”
Marianne walked reporters through how something like this could happen.
“It used to just be the essential winter coats that were pulled out of the closet,” she said. “But once you get into late January, basically every coat you’ve ever owned has been pulled out and tried on, then not put back into the closet because that’s too much of a hassle.”
Marianne continued, saying that her abundance of winter coats has negatively impacted her life.
“I can’t have people over because there’s no space, my apartment feels perpetually filled with clutter, and I don’t know where my cat is!” a stressed-out Marianne explained to reporters. “ I can’t even get my front door fully open anymore. Like, this is definitely a fire hazard.”
However, Marianne added that her apartment being entirely overrun by winter coats has its upsides as well.
“It’s super cozy in here,” she admitted. “And even though it’s 18 degrees outside, I am sweating my ass off in here, so I guess I’m pretty lucky actually. Hygge!”
Anticipating reporters’ next question, Marianne explained that, yes, the puffer coat hanging on the door knob of her closet does, in fact, graze her shoulder when she’s sitting on the toilet.
As of press time, Marianne’s apartment was still filled almost entirely with winter coats, but she had managed to find her cat (snuggled up in her long North Face puffer) and her friends all agreed to come over for a sleepover (“There’s no bad sleeping spot!”).