Win! Boyfriend’s Hair Now Long Enough to Braid  

During a global pandemic, it can be hard to get a win. But that changed today for one lucky woman: 27-year-old Yanaira Cruz’s boyfriend now officially has hair long enough to braid!


“His hair had been getting a little wild over the past few months,” said Yanaira. “But it’s gotten past the awkward point, and is now into the me-braiding-it-all-the-time point. I’m thrilled.”


Yanaira went on to describe all the complicated plaits and styles she plans on orchestrating with her boyfriend’s newly luscious locks.


“Twisties, microbraids, Bantu knots, the possibilities are endless,” she said. “Might even fuck around and give him some pin curls. His head is my oyster.”


“We’re both unemployed, it’s not like he has anything better to do,” Yanaira added.


Jake Felter, the boyfriend in question, has some concerns.



“I don’t mind that she wants to play with my hair, but I think she’s planning on using me as, like, one of those Barbie busts that little kids play with,” said Jake. “I just grew this mane, I don’t want it damaged!”


“And if we’re being frank, I have some worries about cultural appropriation at a time like this,” he added.


But Yanaira cannot contain her excitement.


“I don’t think he understands how much this is gonna change my quarantine day-to-day,” she said. “I feel like I have a purpose again.”


“And so does he,” Yanaira added. “He just doesn’t know it yet.”