Why Long Distance Friendships Are Actually Perfect For Cranky Jerks

You might think that moving hundreds of miles away from your best friend is the end of the world. Not to worry; it’s actually the perfect scenario for lots of people, especially if people generally bother the shit out of you. Here are five reasons why long distance friendships are perfect for you if you have a tendency to hate people:


You can spend time meeting other people you’ll learn to dislike.

You and your best friend were basically inseparable back at home, even though after a day with her you were like “ughhh, shut up!” Now that you’ve moved away to the city, you can go out and meet new people whose eating habits, significant others, and unique perspectives on the world will start to get on your nerves. It’s important to get out there so you can realize that your best friend wasn’t all that bad. It’s more like everyone is bad. Now you can still call her to talk shit about these new people and then make an excuse to get off the phone before she starts whining about something.



Your inside jokes won’t come up so goddamn much.

Now that you’re living apart and have mostly separate lives, you’ll find that you have less and less to talk about with your sister from another mister—including the stupid beach incident she’s always bringing up. It’s so much easier to miss her now! This gives you a great excuse to continue turning down invites from potential new friends. You already have a best friend, and she’s right where everyone belongs—far away from you!


You’ll be able to text each other all the time so you won’t have to hear her annoying voice.

When you live apart from the person who knows you best, your computer becomes your new best friend, which is honestly how you prefer it. You and your friends will only be able to communicate through text and video chat, which you’ll find is a pretty ideal way to limit conversation. Nothing a little “bad wifi” can’t fix!


Passive aggressively ignoring each other becomes so much easier.

Back when you saw each other almost every day, fights were out in the open and tensions were quickly resolved. Not anymore! You can totally keep up your resentment by coming up with excuses for why you can’t make that Skype call. Theoretically, it could go on forever, which is kind of beautiful.



You’ll eventually grow apart.

It’s important to remember that your friendship probably won’t survive the distance. And there’s nothing like a timestamp to remember all the good times you’ve had together—in the past.


See, it’s not so hard, is it? Not as hard as getting through Sunday brunch with a bunch of idiots, at least.