The Olympics bring our global community together to share in the joys of sport, and I’ve been a huge supporter for years. I’ve never missed an opportunity to watch an Olympics – from Atlanta 1996 to Tokyo 2020 – and have even gone so far as to watch the winter ones too! Seeing athletes achieve their dreams always makes me so proud, but this year, with the Olympics taking place in Paris, I felt something new: I felt stupid. Here’s why I’m not watching the Olympics because I don’t know how to pronounce “Seine.”
My first encounter with the word “Seine” came when I googled where the Olympic Opening Ceremony would be held. The word stood before me, completely perplexing. Which vowels was I supposed to pronounce? Which were entirely superfluous? Would it be pronounced “Sigh-en”? “Seen”? “Sigh-nee”? “Say-n”? There was simply no way to know.
I cursed the French and their stupid language. I couldn’t risk saying a word like this out loud, lest I be made to look a fool, so when my friend Ben asked where the ceremony would be held, I simply said, “No clue, man. I’m not watching the Olympics this year.”
It was the only way I could get out of pronouncing Seine out loud – little did I know this simple moment would define my 2024 Paris Olympics experience. When some more friends started planning Olympic watch parties – where I typically shine – Ben made sure to chime in and tell them I wasn’t actually watching this year.
“No need to include them in the planning chat!” Ben texted. “They’re actually not watching.”
He then texted me separately to say, “Got your back, man! Now you won’t receive any of those pesky texts.”
I was livid. Everyone very quickly acquiesced to this “voiced need” and applauded me for staying “out of the loop in an honorable way.” The lie had gone too far. My inability to pronounce Seine was now preventing me from experiencing the joys of life.
I decided it was time to bite the bullet and use the Google Translate “voice” feature to see how the French actually pronounce this godforsaken word. I clicked the little sound button, heard a French woman say, “Seine” and decided it was actually such a stupid pronunciation that I no longer had interest in watching the games at all.
