There’s a constant debate surrounding cosmetic plastic surgery and the harmful beauty standards that can drive individuals to want to modify their appearance. But in my case, these debates were irrelevant. You see, I didn’t get this complicated buccal fat removal surgery to better adhere to society’s beauty standards or for any cosmetic reasons at all. I did it so I could store more acorns in my cheeks like a little chipmunk, as any sensible person would do.
I know this might come as a surprise because, as those who know me can attest, I could already fit so many acorns in my cheeks. Like, so many. I have really stretchy cheek skin, which has always been a point of pride for me. I’m aware of this, and in terms of reasoning, it just boils down to one thing: It wasn’t enough.
My buccal fat removal surgery provided me with the opportunity to fit five or six more acorns in each cheek, depending on the day and the size of the acorn in question. When I heard of these benefits, I knew I had to make it happen.
I didn’t even know what buccal fat was until recently. When I first heard about the trend of people getting their buccal fat removed in order to achieve that sunken, Tim-Burton-esque look, my first thought was, “Wow, this seems extreme” and my second was “I bet this could help me squeeze more acorns into my mouth and carry them around all day like a small woodland creature.” And really, what’s more Wednesday Addams-core than cosplaying a wide-eyed, furry mammal bursting with an obscene number of acorns?
I received some initial pushback from friends and family. They would say things like, “This surgery is just going to age you in the long run” and “Why don’t you just stop putting acorns in your cheeks altogether?” – they just didn’t understand.
In short: my buccal fat removal was for me. It was for my own sake, served to impact no one except myself, and it wasn’t some attempt to get closer to an unattainable and ever-shifting beauty standard. And even if it was, who cares? It’s my own body and I have every right to modify it how I so choose. Besides, I always have at least one or two acorns stuffed in my cheeks, anyways, so even post-surgery, it’s hard to tell the difference.
