Who Said It: Jane Austen or My Aunt

Jane Austen is one of history’s most quotable women, and so is my crazy Aunt Ruthie. Test your literary knowledge with this exercise in “Who said it: a veritable genius of the literary world, or the woman who was just fired from Dress Barn?”


1. “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”


2. “For your graduation, I’ll pay for your nose job.”


3. “Give a girl an education and introduce her properly into the world, and ten to one but she has the means of settling well, without further expense to anybody.”


4.“Sometimes I put hair ties around my upper arms so they don’t flap around when I wear a loose blouse.”


5. “I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of any thing than of a book! When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library.”



6. “If you hire a man to tile your bathroom and don’t come on to him, you might as will have done it yourself. Men are pigs.”


7. “You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope…I have loved none but you.”


8. “I rolled over in bed onto a fork and it stuck half an inch into my thigh. That’s the closest I’ve come to getting laid in two years.”


9. “Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way.”


10. “There’s no ladylike way to eat a hotdog, but don’t let that stop you from trying. I eat two everyday just for practice.”


11. “An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do.”


12. “Shaving your legs while driving a car is easy, but you better get them wet or something. You don’t wanna skin those puppies dry.”


13. “Kiss animals on the mouth. I know I do. Hey, life is short!”


Answer Key:

1. Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice.

2. My aunt, my 18th birthday party.

3. Jane Austen, Mansfield Park.

4. My aunt, Palm Sunday, 2004.

5. Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice.

6. My aunt, my ballet recital.

7. Jane Austen, Persuasion.

8. My aunt, Grandma Elaine’s funeral.

9. Jane Austen, Emma.

10. My aunt, Independence Day, 1999.

11. Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice.

12. My aunt, Christmas, last year.

13. My aunt, yesterday.