Living in the city can be tough: You work hard at an underpaying job and everything’s overpriced. So when one of your three roommates decides to have people over, you deserve to not have to share your expensive alcohol with them. Technically your boss gave it to you as a gift after he accidentally scratched your cornea at the Christmas party, but you’ll still deserve every drop of it when you finally have something to celebrate. Here’s a guide to help you hide your VIP liquor from those sniveling houseguests who would probably steal your five-year-old Macbook too, if they had the chance:
Under Your Twin Bed
Snag those babies and put them under your bed, like they’re your children during some sort of dystopian military regime. They won’t look there! Hell, you won’t even look there. When was the last time you actually vacuumed under your bed? Rest assured, your crusty bottle of Bombay will be safe amidst the condom wrappers and Chipotle napkins.
Under the Bathroom Sink
It’ll stay nice and cool down there, that’s for sure! Even if the toilet paper runs out, your roommates’ friends know better than to expect you to have extra rolls available for guests. You keep a stash of Charmin Ultra locked in your closet. Your “nice” Jack Daniels will remain untouched next to the Clorox bleach wipes that have been dried out for months. They will probably steal your tampons, though, so you should put those somewhere else.
In Your One Carry-On Suitcase
You have one piece of carry-on luggage you keep in your closet for the two times a year your parents pay for you to fly back home. They definitely won’t look for your half bottle of Grey Goose in there, after the last six bed bug scares that started with the opening of closets. You might even find something you forgot to unpack from last Christmas!
In a Cardboard Fort of Amazon Boxes
You’ve got so many half-flattened boxes lying around your trash bin that nobody has taken out to be recycled. Why let them go to waste? Make a little cardboard fort and hide your Glenfiddich inside. And your roommates aren’t going to touch it, because it’s your mess, and they’re sick of you “not pulling your own weight” or whatever. At least your expensive alcohol is safe!
With these tips, you’re guaranteed not to lose your top shelf booze to your bottom-feeder roommates. Now the trick is hiding it from yourself!
