Man’s best friend? More like man’s best physician! As the pandemic rages on, hospitals everywhere are feeling the pressure, but one lucky ward is getting a plucky puppy to pitch in!
At St. Mary’s Merciful Crucifixion of Divine Penance in Pottsville, MI, overflowing beds and high demand have pushed an overworked staff to the brink. Enter Dr. Woofenstein, a four-year-old yellow Labrador with a heart of gold.
Dr. Woof, as he’s known locally, has been making the rounds and offering his highly unqualified but adorable aid to as many patients as paw-sible.
“At first I was skeptical,” said St. Mary RN Maya Lee. “I mean, I applaud his enthusiasm, how could I be sure his credentials were up to snuff? But then I saw he had a stethoscope, and I thought, ‘Okay, this dog means business.’”
St. Mary’s operational director John McArthur was thrilled by the news.
“We were really in a bind. Already short-staffed, plus a few doctors got sick,” says McArthur. “Dr. Woof stepped up right in time. And I can pay him in treats!”
Sources report Dr. Woof also accepts compensation in the form of hugs and several minutes of uninterrupted petting. It’s unclear if he understands this is for services rendered. Asked to comment, Dr. Woof panted, whined a bit, and then barked twice.
Still, some tasks are difficult for Dr. Woof. A lack of opposable thumbs and an inter-species communication barrier have held him back.
“In retrospect, we probably shouldn’t have given him a mask,” says McArthur. “We’re starting to run low again and it doesn’t really fit on his dog face. He just looks so darn cute in PPE”
The brave bowwow has impressed even the grumpy cat people at St. Mary’s.
“Look, let’s be real. He often gets in the way, and he’s not a good doctor, but he is a very good boy,” said lead physician Dr. Isha Banerjee. “And frankly, we need all the help we can get at this point.”
“I don’t even know how he got in here, honestly,” Dr. Banerjee continued. “It’s been absolute chaos. Maybe he wandered in? Who’s his owner? I don’t know, I’m not even sure where he got that stethoscope.”
Wherever he got his medical equipment, one thing is a medical certainty: Dr. Woofenstein has earned a place in our hearts. While most pets have remained lazy homebodies in this time of national crisis, Dr. Woof has really risen to the challenge.
Thanks, Dr. Woof!
