I decided to go to therapy to deal with my mental health issues, but all my therapist wanted to talk about is the fact that she thinks I dismiss criticism with dated slang – well whatever hater, YOLO!
At our first session my therapist wanted to talk about my childhood. I told her that a lot of negative things happened to me in the early 2000s, to which she said, “Like what?”
“Chicken butt,” I told her. LAWL – I really got her with that one!
However, she really wanted to get some “real work done in the limited time we have together,” so she kept encouraging me to talk about my middle school trauma. Um, BORING, much? Talk to the hand!!
“You said earlier that you were cyberbullied over text in your middle school years,” she told me. “Would that have anything to do with why you respond to criticism with dated slang today?”
“Whatever major loser! You need to chillax!” I responded. “See you on the flip side!”
At that point I got up and left her office, but I came back the next week to see if this noob could really help me out or not.
At our last session, my therapist asked me why I’m so reluctant to receive advice. In response, I told her “Yo mama,” which I think is a totally valid response, but she didn’t seem to think so, which is pretty cray-cray.
I don’t wanna sound like a total biotch, but I think my therapist is pretty sucky. It’s not like using slang is hurting my social relationships with others. It’s helping them, fo shizzle!
She told me that “I’m wasting time” by avoiding any and all questions about myself, but I totes couldn’t disagree more.
“Dafuq?” I said. “You just got served!”
When she pointed out that the last thing I said didn’t even make sense in the conversation, I realized that she might be right about some things.
“Meh,” I said. “Okay, you got me there!”
I still think that my therapist needs to take a chill pill sometimes, but I’m continuing to work on myself, which is all that really matters, jafeel? Okay, peace out! Winning!