In deeply upsetting news out of the Trader Joes in Los Angeles, 35-year-old Tarana Reade just walked out of the grocery store and hopped directly into rush-hour traffic without getting a little snack for the car ride home.
Um, what the fuck? Is there some kind of emergency we don’t know about?
Onlookers were shocked to see her go through the entire checkout line without grabbing some dried mango, or almond butter-covered almonds, or at least a little bag of peanut butter cups.
“She really just bought things she needed to make dinner, didn’t she,” says Silvia Vasquez, who was behind her in line. “Does she realize how terrible the experience of grocery shopping is? How is she getting through it without a little snack?”
Tarana, who will be sitting in traffic for a full 45 minutes before she can even begin cooking dinner, remains psychotically unfazed.
“I don’t know, I’m just not much of a snacker,” says Tarana, who we fear. “Anyway, I wanna save my appetite for this really nice dinner I’m cooking later.”
Um, is this some sort of new, dangerous wellness trend? If so, we’re afraid!!
“But I’m not some kind of weirdo or anything. I bought a bunch of fruit that I can cut up for after dinner.”
Um, wow. Okay!!
As several shoppers watched her leave the Trader Joe’s with profound concern, Tarana is just excited she could buy peanut butter at such an alarmingly low price.
“I really get why people love this place,” Tarana adds. “How could you say no to all of this high-quality tofu for only two dollars?”
We literally have no fucking idea how she can simply walk past a series of snacks and not be tempted by the comfort of a little treat after a long day, but we’ll be haunted by it for the rest of our lives!
