Weird! Guy Who Made You Bruschetta Says He’s ‘Not in Love With You’

In a strange turn of events, Samuel, the guy you’ve been hooking up with for about two months now, just made you some grilled bread with garlic, olive oil, salt, tomato, and cheese. But for some odd reason, he still claims that he’s “not in love with you”?


Okay, sure…


You could always count on Sam to get you a glass of water or a normal piece of toast after sex. But last night was reportedly very different.


“He brought me a plate of arranged bruschetta in bed,” you say. “He even sprinkled a little pepper on it in front of me. That’s practically a proposal. I was almost embarrassed by the vulnerability of the moment for him.”


“But when I leaned in to kiss him, he put his fingers to my lips and said, ‘I’m not ready for romantic kisses outside of sex yet, sorry.’”


What the fuck?


Italian food is romantic (see Lady and the Tramp). And even though you weren’t sharing one spaghetti noodle together, he has to admit that this is a token of his undying love, right?




“Apparently Samuel believes that despite the fact we hook up three days a week and even go on museum dates sometimes, there’s nothing romantic going on between us,” you say. “And that I can take. But the bruschetta? I mean, come on.”



But Samuel sees it differently.


“I just really like to cook. What’s wrong with that?” says Samuel, which is interesting, because usually his fridge only has five different Gatorade flavors and one loaf of bread.


“Okay, fine, you got me. My mom gave this to me when she was in town. I don’t even know what this stuff is,” he says. “Brook sketa? Bruce etta?”


Well, whether or not Samuel is in fact head over heels in love with you, we will never know. So maybe just sit back, relax, and enjoy the antipasto!