After months of public outcry, the Washington Redskins announced yesterday that they would in fact change their iconic name to the less controversial, “Washington Sluts.”
“We thought long and hard about a name that wouldn’t be offensive to our core fan base,” says Sluts owner Dan Snyder. “Ultimately, our board of directors kept coming back to the name Sluts.”
“It doesn’t matter what you look like or where you come from, football fans have one thing in common, we all love sluts. It was a perfect fit for our brand.”
NFL commentator Bob Costas, who called the original team name “an insult, a slur, no matter how benign the present-day intent,” said of the new name:, “It could be worse.”
The Redskins fans seem to be warming up to the name.: season ticket sales amongst men in the DC area are up fifty percent from last year. Longtime fan Harold Mae says, “The fact that they were willing to change their team name shows a lot of respect to a historically disadvantaged people. And I’m really excited for the new mascot.”
The team is currently holding auditions for the new Sluts mascot, “Amber.” Amber has an eight-foot tall woman costume with oversized breasts and comically long legs. Snyder says the mascot was modeled after his high school girlfriend who “loved to bone.”
President Obama heralded the new name saying, “This is a huge step forward for racial injustice in our country and a great way to get women more involved in the game. Go sluts!”
