Vague Advice to Give Your Friend While Tuning Out Her Emotional Breakdown

With so much on our plate these days, often the only me-time we get is when a friend dissolves into a melted pile of human feelings. Sure, in a perfect world we would all be able to provide the time and attention needed to comfort an emotionally unstable friend, but sometimes we’ve got to multitask, especially if we’re juggling work, relationships, and a backlog of Scandal episodes. In the likely event that your eyes glaze over during your friend’s breakdown sesh, here are some go-to words of advice that fit any situation.


“You’re not crazy.”

This phrase works great no matter what your friend is scream-crying about. Whether she is speculating about why Anthony didn’t text her back, or if she’s simply repeating “Am I crazy? I feel like I’m crazy. I want to kill someone! Please hold me. I’m not crazy right?” this is the perfect line to use when you’re really thinking about which wall of your bedroom would make the best accent wall.



“I hate that you’re feeling like this.”

This is a wonderful phrase for when you’re halfway through mentally planning your weekend and haven’t quite surmised what she’s upset about. Right when you get to Saturday night is usually the self-pity apex in a friend’s freakout. This is also a great option if you notice in your peripheral vision that she’s moved into silent sobs while you’re trying to decide between two diners for post-clubbing. If only this friend weren’t so depressed and would come out with you guys more often!


“I have no words.”

This phrase is useful because it lets you simulate frustration with your friend’s problem without saying anything of substance. It’s also a foolproof option for when you’ve just emerged from deep meditation. You’ve been meaning to meditate every day, and how often are you sitting in one place? She’d understand.



“I completely understand.”

There’s a good chance your friend has descended into incomprehensible gibberish by now. She’s repeated herself so many times that her words have lost all meaning. That doesn’t have to stop you from reassuring her that her outlook on why she got passed up for a promotion is valid and well-thought-out. Reciting this platitude will give you time to fully remember every detail of the last time you hooked up with Seth. Woah, you should call Seth!


The next time your friend comes to you in tears and your brain automatically goes into sleep mode, try out one of these helpful sayings. And for those who’ve mastered these tricks, try kicking it up a notch by nodding your head every four seconds. Have fun!