Two-week-old Baby Makes ‘Preemie’ Her Whole Personality

Newborn Gracie might have been born just three weeks early, but that will not stop her from making being a premature baby her entire personality.


“From the minute she was placed in the NICU, it was like, ‘Oh, here I am, I’m such a preemie’,” says resident nurse Janice Treadwell. “It’s like, you’ve been on Earth for five minutes; fucking chill, you know?”


When we sat down with Gracie and her family, she was bossing her parents around like a dictator, they were totally beholden to her every preemie need.


“We are just so happy to have Gracie, even though the birthing process was a bit scary,” says Gracie’s mom, Nora. “But it would be cool if she could just tone it down a little bit with the premature baby thing? Like, we get it.”


“Yeah, like, we absolutely love her,” says Gracie’s dad, James. “But it’s like, every other minute she’s just kind of reminding us like ‘oh I’m so tiny’ and ‘I need 24-hour care for the next three weeks.’ Like, okay???”


Gracie interrupted, hysterically screaming as her parents and nurses attempted to swaddle her around 50 times until she was satisfied with her wrap.


“Like, wow, okay Gracie,” said Nora. “We get it, you’re a premature baby.”


While it is common for premature babies to require a great deal of care and support in the early stages of life, it is not necessary for them to just kind of make it their whole deal.



“She’s gonna grow up and feel pretty lost if she keeps relying on being a preemie to be her whole personality,” adds nurse Janice. “She better find a hobby, or learn to read super early, or something.”