Tragic! Gym Equipment Just Opened Up and Now You Have to Use It

In devastating news, someone finally stopped using the leg extension machine at your local gym, creating an inhumane situation in which you could now theoretically use it.


According to sources, you had pulled up to the gym at the busiest possible time of the day – a routine that grew both out of convenience, and the insightful discovery that a crowded gym meant a lot of waiting time you could use to fuck around on your phone in between sets.



“Ugh, the gym is packed again,” you reportedly thought to yourself, your heart rushing with glee. “Oh no, the machine I want to use is occupied…” you continued to note, as you already began pulling up your Twitter timeline for your viewing pleasure.


Sources say that you began luxuriating near the occupied gym machine, catching up on all your social media. When 15 minutes passed of you doing this, you reportedly switched tactics as it became too obvious you were just wasting your time.


According to witnesses, you reportedly began dramatically checking the time on your phone every few seconds, as if the gym’s crowdedness was going to make you late to your next appointment.


“Well, if it opens up in the next few minutes, I’ll do some hamstring exercises before I head home,” you reportedly told yourself. “And if it doesn’t, I’ll just have to call it a day, given the time.”


However, the person in the machine chose that exact moment to get up, wipe down the machine, and give you a friendly smile as if to say, “All yours!”


Sources confirm this is a crushing blow, as the sudden availability of the machine you’ve been waiting for all this time creates undue pressure on you to demonstrate to yourself and any potential observers that you would have used the machine this whole time, if you could.


A local gym bro told reporters, “Yeah, I saw the whole thing. That woman spent 20 minutes cackling at Instagram DM’s behind the leg machine, and when it opened, she rolled her eyes, did one rep, and then made a beeline for the lockers.”