Rebecca Somehow Knows What to Do at The Gym

Perplexing reports are coming from the Planet Fitness on Bushwick Avenue in Brooklyn, as it seems that Rebecca somehow knows exactly what to do while at the gym.



“I mostly just do spin classes and hope for the best,” says friend Melanie Vargas. “I have no idea what the hell Rebecca is doing over there, but she looks like she knows what she’s doing?”


Eerily, Rebecca has learned various ways to use free weights, the leg press machine, and also seems to know what a “squat rack” is – but we’re not entirely sure what she’s talking about when she says that.


“I usually just do the elliptical for 45 minutes then like, I don’t know, stretch?” says friend, Traci Carter. “Who showed her how to use all of that stuff? This is fucked up.”


Friends looked confused as Rebecca used her bizarre skillset to jump onto a 36” box, for some reason.



“I just make sure to do the basics so that I stay strong and healthy – squats, deadlifts, and lunges,” Rebecca said, as she was carrying a super heavy scary weight. “It’s not like you need to be a professional to do this; it’s all online and it’s pretty easy to figure out.”


“I just don’t understand,” adds Melanie. “She works in marketing. How does she know how to do all of this?”


Sources remain skeptical as we flip through a magazine on the stationary bike with a blue Gatorade.