Uh Oh! Man Referring to Food as ‘Fuel’

Oh Boy! Matt Juster of Venice, CA has bewildered friends acquaintances by referring to the food he consumes as “fuel.”


What began with adding some protein supplements to his workout routine has now transformed into an all-out identity crisis.



“It’s like he thinks he’s some kind of machine,” says Lucia Saunders, Juster’s girlfriend. “He’s always talking about ‘refueling’ or ‘loading up’ or some shit. I’m like dude, it’s just a fancy granola bar, enjoy it.”


Juster’s arsenal of preferred “fuel” ranges from protein powder to eggs but has even on occasion been used in reference to beer.


“It just feels really self-important,” says Juster’s long-term friend, Armando Lopez. “You’re not a tank. Just say you’re hungry like the rest of us.”


Despite friends’ lack of enthusiasm, Juster is adamant about his fuel consumption.


“Thursday is leg day, so I’m definitely gonna need to gas up,” he explains, loading up his grocery cart with a bag of brown rice. “Gotta carb load for the road.”


Juster spends up to three hours a day focused solely on procuring “fuel” for his “machine.”


“In a perfect world, you really gotta fuel up before, during, and after a workout,” Juster goes on. “You’re can’t be a powerhouse if you haven’t found the right power source.”


“Oh my God, just eat a fucking sandwich,” says Saunders.