This Couple Made the Difficult Decision to Shoot Their Pandemic Dog Into Space

Influencer couple David and Renee Welch loved quarantining with their nine-month-old puppy, Muffy. But once the Covid restrictions lifted, Muffy became more of a responsibility than a fun pastime, and so the pair made the difficult but necessary decision to shoot her into space.


“She brought us so much joy and even more likes on Instagram,” says Renee, as she strapped Muffy to the side of a rocket. “But when we realized we couldn’t bring Muffy to our favorite rooftop rave or indoor restaurant, we knew what we had to do.”


Soon, Muffy will join the ranks of famous Russian dogstraunaut, Laika as well as the thousands of pandemic dogs that have been abruptly abandoned by their owners.


“Muffy loves us so much, she wouldn’t want to just be given away to someone else,” explains David Welch on the decision to not rehome their $7,000 dog.  “She would want a send-off that garners us as much attention as humanly possible.”



However, not everyone’s excited about Muffy’s venture. Some online commenters have called the expedition “criminally insane” and “a sci-fi dystopic nightmare”.


When asked to comment on the rocket launch, space exploration expert Dr. Theresa Watkins responded, “What? Wait, no! Don’t do that!”


Upon hearing about the proposed flight, an ASPCA representative sobbed uncontrollably into her hands. But David and Renee don’t mind the criticism.


“We don’t need to defend ourselves,” says Renee. “There are thousands of poor people on the internet who will inexplicably do that for us, because going to space is inherently awesome.”


At press time, it was unclear whether or not Muffy will choose to return to this godforsaken planet after her trip.