Summer’s here, but your period isn’t! Time to try on one of these chic white dresses before the red tide washes in! These crisp little numbers will telegraph to the world that you’re not currently bleeding and won’t be for at least another fortnight!
1. Ashley Wrap Dress (Gap, $68)
This casual dress is perfect for the girl who goes with the flow but who’s not expecting a visit from Aunt Flo any time soon. Fresh and versatile, it’s perfect for any and all occasions when you’re not dripping blood from between your thighs. You’ll certainly be memorable in this number, but not because there are visible spots of blood from tampon leakage trailing down the back of your frock. Yay!
2. Anchors Away Dress (J. Crew, $275)
This simple and clean dress from J. Crew’s resort collection is guaranteed to stay clean as long as you know for sure you’re not going to be surfing the crimson wave—especially if your cycle is still irregular and you can never pinpoint the exact day your period will come. Chances are still good this dress is safe!
3. Lace Magic Dress (Anthropologie, $258)
This delicate dress is just as feminine as having a menstrual cycle (which you happen to not have to worry about at the moment!). The elegant lace trim accentuates the fact that it’s not currently Shark Week, while the scoop neckline is perfect for letting people know your breasts won’t be painfully swollen for at least another ten days or so.
4. Summer Breeze Dress (Urban Outfitters, $75)
Show a little skin in this flirty dress that’s short on hem and long on not being bled on! The body-hugging fit makes it perfect for flaunting a figure that isn’t bloated, while the abbreviated length is ideal for the girl-on-the-go who’s too busy to deal with a visible tampon string!
5. Divine Dancer Dress (BCBG, $368)
Try a flowy, ballerina-inspired dress for a night out on the town. It’ll show your date you’re a romantic at heart, and also that he doesn’t have to be worried about period sex! The tutu-esque skirt provides a sense of mystery that will leave people wondering if you’re experiencing amenorrhea from rigorous dance training. Plus, it’s sooo Audrey Hepburn!
6. Belted Maxi Dress (Top Shop, $125)
Wear this maxi-dress without a maxi pad to tell the world you’re not worried about standing up and having the back of your dress look like a crime scene. This dress has a story to tell, and it’s definitely not the story of someone who’s discharging mucosal tissue from the inner lining of her uterus through her vagina.
7. Gypsy Goddess Dress (Free People, $148)
This breezy and relaxed dress is a perfect match for those 14 days before you start your cycle when you’re carefree and totes not cramping! The sheer fabric means you can only get away with wearing it if you know there’s no chance of vaginal secretions and endometrial tissue getting expelled from your body like it’s the elevator from The Shining. Trade RED RUM for white rum—on the beach! At least for now. Ha ha. Fun!
There’s no better way to let people know you’re not yet unclean than wearing a white dress! Get down with your bad self, you ovulator!